Country Music Moment #1

BOWLING ALLEY ROMANCE
by Puckner Skalbanyard IV
(Get legal to vet this name as clear for copyright)

(Sung to a tune similar to that song we all heard that one time)

At the Forum Bowl-A-Dero Bowl and Bar-B-Que old Vern
joins his buddies on the lanes to bowl and howl.
‘Twas there that he met Margaret across the ball return,
when she asked him if he’d let her use his towel.

(Chorus)
Bowling alley romance, they’re strangers on the lanes
denying that they’ve rolled a string of sins.
But when the scores are tallied, and all the shoes are sprayed,
In a back seat Vern is splitting Margaret’s pins.

It was Ida Eunice Wagner, Vernon’s wife of fourteen years,
who suspected Vernon’s bowling nights weren’t stag.
So she followed him one Tuesday from the Bowl-A-Dero lanes,
and she caught him with his ball in Margaret’s bag.

Vernon Wagner, before the tragedy

(Chorus)
Bowling alley romance, they were strangers on the lanes
their love was in the gutter after all;
but when the scores were tallied, and all the shoes were sprayed,
Ida Wagner shot them both outside the mall.

That hussy, Margaret

(Spoken in a choked up, somewhat spooked voice,
kind of like that Fred Willard when you surprise him at the theater.)
Now every Tuesday night they have the men’s & women’s league
at the Bowl-A-Dero Bowl and Bar-B-Que.
And though the joint gets crowded, people always clear a space
for the ghostly couple bowling in lane two.

(Chorus: Larrupin’)
Bowling alley romance, they’re strangers on the lanes
pretending they don’t know each other’s names.
But when the scores are tallied, and all the shoes are sprayed
(Softly with less larrup and one big, wide strum)
In Hell’s Hyatt Lodge Vern’s filling out her frame.

(Get that chunky, little weasel Garth Brooks on the line. Tell him we’ve got another hit.)

——Don Whittington
saving America’s music industry since
this morning

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2 thoughts on “Country Music Moment #1

    • Great. I’ll check the catalog for one of those Nudie suits while you and your boys get it recorded, released, and promoted. Then later ya’ll can send me some sort of large check.

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