Matt Lauer: Idiot or Imbecile

It’s something that’s kept us all wondering
more mysterious and intricate than cosmic ray spallation and boron
idiot, imbecile—I can’t decide
so I guess that I’m sticking with moron.

His face in the morning’s as welcome
as a drunken, gun-wearing Hank Williams Jr. with his louche hag
imbecile, idot—I can’t decide
so I guess that I’m going with douchebag.

His brain must be buttery-fingered
(yet he makes so much dough, he has it carried to his house by a special  team of unpaid NBC interns that are called the Where in the World Is All Matt Lauer’s Money Income Troop)
idiot, imbecile—I can’t decide
so I guess I’ll just settle on nincompoop.

—Don Whitington

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2 thoughts on “Matt Lauer: Idiot or Imbecile

  1. It’s been many years since I had the misfortune of watching the Today show in the mornings, so it’s been many years since I saw Mr. Lauer in anything but a still shot. Your picture at the end of him in drag, I posit, negates your poem’s point. I think more men should be empowered to dress in this manner. Not all the time, of course; maybe about once a month.

    • You are correct, actually. I very nearly didn’t use the photo for that exact reason, but then I thought here’s a guy who has done as much to advance Paris Hilton’s star as anyone else on earth, and yet, having empowered her special gift to the art of—whatever the hell it is she does, call it dilletante vaguery, maybe—still feels comfortable mocking her, and so I used it. Besides, I hate the little weasel and he’s abusing the dog and those glittery pants.

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