From Unca Jacques’ Big Book of Deconstructed Limericks


An executive for Proctor and Gamble, hence, Proctor-Gamblerian
sought a female prison inmate suitable for marryin’
this one girl had read the same Bronte novel eight times
now, up to then he had not known such things were state crimes
but ok by him so he married the convicted octo-Jane-Eyrian.


impacted bowel


There was an old man from Nantucket whose enormous genitalia suggested to his facile imagination a number of self-pleasuring options unavailable to the more commonly endowed, including a few of which the actual efficacy was— at the least—questionable.


From a ledge that was really too high
this professor pretended to fly.
“By pretending the act
I can do it, in fact,”
he screamed as he fell from the sky.

—Don Whittington


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