somewhere in the multiverse

somewhere in the multiverse
there is a version of me who has never missed
a single opportunity
who has never let a subtle cue
fly over his head
he always does the exact thing
that gets him promoted
or that leads to power
when his dog gets sick it turns out
Bandit swallowed a gold nugget somewhere
and it just passes naturally
before magic-me has to spring for a vet—
he’s like me as Mitt Romney
but with a common touch
a man who never makes a gaffe
and most importantly of all
he can sleep with Libby Morris
whenever he wants to
i never got to sleep with Libby Morris
but infinite numbers of me did
somewhere
and for some of them she was fantastic
and for some of them she just lay there
and, sadly, because this is the multiverse
and the possibilities are infinite
sometimes it was not consensual
i just hope she didn’t hurt me
too much

—Don Whittington

Libby, relaxing before harrowing the south field

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