For I will consider the things that annoy me

For I will consider the things that annoy me

For I will never run out of subject matter

For almost everything annoys me to some extent

For I have a very low threshhold of irritation

For even a mechanical pencil can set me off

For that is a hell of a name for such a thing

For it is no more mechanical than a tube of lip gloss

For if I asked for a mechanical Blistex the drug store clerk would look at me as if I were insane unless I were lucky and it was that rare drug store clerk with a sense of humor who might say, “You mean Chap Stick. Blistex doesn’t have a mechanical applicator.”

For this would be an extraordinary rejoinder from a drug store clerk, particularly at Walgreen’s

For this might change my assessment of drug store clerks everywhere

For this witty and aware drug store clerk has given me new hope for the future

For I cannot help but notice she has a spectacular figure

For she is giving me a vibe that would rouse a dead pope

For she reminds me a little bit of Flo who is the hottest woman in the history of mankind even if she is selling insurance and I would give anything just to touch her hair

For really I have been growing desperate for human touch, but it is that very desperation and my awareness of it that leads me to a certain caution

For I realize I may be over-estimating my appeal to the drug store clerk

For I see how rapidly she is stepping now trying to get away from me

For this might be a very good time to leave the Walgreen’s

For someone grabbed a phone and they have only punched three numbers

For I am pretty sure I know what those three numbers are

For as the squad car pulls up next to me in the parking lot and the officers get out I think, “Yeah, those were the numbers, all right.”

For it doesn’t look like I will get to make all the points I wished to make about the things that annoy me

For it will not be possible to type with the hand-cuffs

—Don Whittington


4 thoughts on “For I will consider the things that annoy me

  1. Handcuffs are a considerable annoyance, aren’t they? Nice stream of consciousness anecdotal poetical myth thing. Don’t forget to ask the nice officers to pick up the Chap Stick you forgot in all the excitement.

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