if i had to choose

if i had to choose between entry into heaven
between an eternity of bliss in a land
where the streets are made of gold
where the trees bear mint juleps in their leaves
and every stream is clear and clean
where there are boxes every twenty yards or so
that you can open and just pull out
a piping hot delicious lasagna 24/7
a land where no one ever says 24/7
where our bodies are without blemish
where our sexual tastes are shared by all
and magically coincide with our desire
where orgasm lasts slightly longer
than the war of the roses—
if i had to choose between that blessed country
and hating the owner of the Dallas Cowboys National Football Franchise
Jerry Jones
i would of course opt for heaven
but i would dig up one of those streets
and use the gold to fund a kind of reverse chantry
where others would fervently despise Jerry Jones
and wish him ill in my name

—Don Whittington

Idiot supposedly rapping about pizza


One thought on “if i had to choose

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