T-Bowl Trademark Stories

And he went a little farther
and fell on his face
and just as he was about to pray
an attorney approached him in the garden
and handed him a “show cause” letter
and Jesus said, “Excuse me?”
and the attorney said, “That gesture,
we need to know you have the appropriate permissions.”
“Permissions?” inquireth the Lord,
“I am about to ask the Lord, God, in heaven
that he let this cup pass me by
and you want to talk to me about permissions?”
“It’s just a formality in your case,
I assure you, but we will have to
insist that Matthew be changed to say
that he Tebowed saying, O my Father...”
“I Tebowed? It clearly says I fell on my face.”
“Yes, but on your way you went to one knee, you bowed your head—
that’s a definite Tebow and you have to
ask for a permission. He’s a big fan of yours
I’m sure permission will not be unreasonably withheld.”
“And who is this clown again?” asketh the Lord
in really, really red letters.
“Tim Tebow. He’s like a super Christian. You love him.”
“Do I now?” Our Lord sighed and took the papers.
“What do I have to do?”
“Just sign here to ask for permission
and to acknowledge that Matthew 26:39 will change
to read And he went a little farther and Tebowed and prayed…”
“But I don’t Tebow. I fall on my face. We all of us fall on our faces to pray.
It’s the Middle East. That’s how we roll.”
“Trust me, you’ll be glad we changed it.
Now give us a couple weeks and I’m sure
with a small compensatory fee from your people
those permissions will be immediately forthcoming.”
“A couple of weeks? I don’t have a couple of weeks.
Things are kind of coming to a head here, buddy.”
“That reminds me, Jesus, there’s an attorney here from
the Cross Pens people who also needs to talk to you.”
The Lord lifted his head in anguish and disgust.
He pointed his fingers to the sky and shouted,
“Are you following all this?”
“Whoa, “ said the attorney. “That’s going to be extra paperwork.”
“What are you talking about now?”
“I also represent Giants receiver Victor Cruz, and that move
you just did, pointing your fingers at the sky?…”

—Don Whittington

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