my auntie costco told me she had heard

my auntie costco

my auntie costco told me she had heard
that elvis was still out there somewhere
that he hadn’t died at all
that he had arranged for a hobo corpse
to drape around his toilet
so he could be free to practice the magic
he had learned from the aliens who abducted him
in germany when he was in the army
these are the same aliens that made him live with priscilla
which he never would have done of his own free will
preferring, as he did, good girls with smaller asses
like my auntie costco’s, for instance—
anyway, he learned some alien magic from
that whore priscilla and her demon bosses
and he wanted to practice it in secret
so he had to fake his death and that is exactly the real truth
behind the events of August 16, 1977
which my auntie costco thought it was important for
me to learn in case i come across him—
’cause i might come across him on account of now
he dresses like a hobo and staggers from door to door
in white neighborhoods (never colored ones
and he hates obama, my auntie costco says)
anyway in white neighborhoods asking
people can he have a peanut butter and nanner sandwich
and the ones who give him the sandwich receive
a miracle anointing and a blessing and a gold cadillac
to mark them for when the rapture comes for
this is how all the rapture candidates are selected
and my auntie costco is all set and prepared so if
you are ever hungry and you are near my auntie costco
just ask her for a peanut butter and nanner sandwich
and she will shove that bad boy down your throat
before you think to tell her, don’t be cruel.

—Don Whittington

magic elvis

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