I can’t come to work today

ferris Bueller

I can’t come to work today
I got that thing that’s going around
that creeping crud
I got the jimmy legs
I got St. Vitus’ dance
I can’t come in—really
I am too contagious for my work
I am too contagious for my friends
I got them gromblies
I’m twitchied ever-which
got that formication done come over me
bad case of crusted thrush-throat
got me some major moebius testicles
I’m eat up with that raphania
you don’t want me in there
I mean it, boss
I’m lit up with Munchausen’s parastesis
I got uncontrollable cock barking
can’t you hear it in my voice how sick I am?
the bacteria are using me to talk
no shit, I’ve got Cotard delusion
you’ll have to make do without me
I can only pray I might feel better
by happy hour

—Don Whittington

cockbarking

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