Deep Thinks To Be Used In Future Poems

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What is life?

What is truth?

Does anybody know what time it really is?

I disapprove of the way other people poop.

On the other hand you have different fingers.

Does God love me?

I used to have such promise, but now I have a cold.

The fool is the analog of the sage, and parsley and thyme are pissed off about it.

We have less need for a mechanism to cut spending, than for one to cut stupidity.

Dope dealers should stop short of shipping a “record amount” next time.

Everybody has something they want blown out of proportion.

Does the universe swing to a woman’s hips? Really?

What is a man? What is a woman? Which do I prefer?

To be old and to be cool is kind of unexpected.

The new American art form/career: Being a person of interest.

If the government taps my phone, can I drink from it?

Here is what I think, old man: More of these people should be chastised.

I suspect life would have been better had Ennio Morricone scored my bathroom breaks.

And that was the year your grandmother and I moved to Antarctica to grow tobacco.

—Don Whittington

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