Jackie Kennedy Pleasures Herself

jackie kennedy

Do you think
Jackie Kennedy
ever played that way,
abandoned in the White House,
her Secret Service Man a bit beyond the door?
How could she not?
Still, she must have feared
the scandal it might cause
if people knew.
So many things I have to hide
she thought
just because I’m fucking Jackie Kennedy.

———————-Don Whittington

Mindfulmercial

2hummer

there is nothing to await
this is the moment
it is here

there is no one to teach
this is the moment
learn from it

there is no one to sing
this is the moment
dance within it

there is nothing to buy
this is the moment
own it

there is nothing to critique
this is the moment
it is singular

there is nothing to regret
this is the moment
it is gone

this is the moment
this one
this

—Don Whittington

drop-of-water-photo

Sporadia

writer-wretch

It is my good fortune
to live to an age
within an age
when I can indulge
my whimsical side
without too much damage
to the ones that love me—
sadly, as it must for everyone,
real work rears its horrible head
so for a while this daily grind
will cease—
but Bread and Friday will increase
sporadically—
who knows
maybe more of it will be
worth reading—
stay alert—
I love you all

—Don Whittington

Scrivener1024-196576_621x320

Half time Show, Super Bowl XLVII

 

Beyonce-HalftimeYou didn’t see it on tv,
when the ghostly figure in his tattered shirt
took over the stage,
when all the pyrotechnics stopped,
when Beyonce and all the
wannabe Beyoncettes backed away
from the frail, creepy figure with the battered guitar
with the sign;
he strummed and sang in a raspy
voice and hardly anyone could hear
because they cut the mikes
not wanting to upset the megastars
and wannabe megastarrettes in the seats.
He apologized for his voice.
“Been dead a while, now,” he said,
“but think how loud you have to sing
to be heard from the grave.”
Springsteen and Havens and Seeger,
Taj Mahal and Dylan and Joan Baez
came out to play acoustic back-up,
to join in the chorus:
Rich man took my home and drove me from my door
And I ain’t got no home in this world anymore.
Nobody clapped and nobody sang along;
hardly anybody heard them at all
which made it just like always.
My father’s own father
he waded that river
they took all the money he made in his life.
“Records fall every day,” he shouted
“409,846 immigrants deported last year;
liberal is just another mask for the same
fascist lizards we’ve ever had.”
The others tried to calm him down
and he shrugged them off.
“That’s the trouble with you people
you’re all cowards at the end of the day.”
He spit on the stage and walked away.
It isn’t known whether anyone in the stands paid attention.
The others did a rendition of this Land Is Your Land.
This land was made for you and me, they sang
but it didn’t feel like they really meant it.
Then half time was over.
The Ravens ran back the kick-off for a touchdown.
Then the 49’ers got the ball.
By then the word came down to cut the power
and change reality again.
Everyone agreed Beyonce was amazing.

—Donald Whittington

Photo of Woody Guthrie

here is the thing about all the cameras

Micro Drones 2

here is the thing about all the cameras
about all that cctv business
they say that now, right now
today in this USA we keep bragging about
that no matter where you are
if you are away from home
chances are you are on camera

that’s one

here is the thing about all them drones
goverment is in love with the damned drones
love them sneaky, killing little bees
now they have microdrones
like matchbox versions to follow you around
and signal the big bangaroo drone
if you are up to too much

that’s two

here’s the thing about guys
about a guy like you on camera
sooner or later you are going to get angry
and show it your dick
guys love to show their dicks to cameras
ask Brett Favre
it’s what we do
soon, with all these cameras and drones
guys will be showing their dicks everywhere, all the time
there will be chaos in the streets

that’s three

now when the drones come
to clean up the trouble
they are only going to ace the guys
whose tallywhackers are big enough
for the drone sensors to register
from altitude
meaning only guys with big johnsons
will get the business
the guys with the tiny peckers
will have the darwinian advantage

that’s four

and four, my friend,
is a magic number
finally, i’ll be ready to make my move

—Don Whittington

"...about like this. If it sticks out no farther than the bill of your cap, you should be all right," explained a man of legendarily Lilliputian gifts.

“…about like this. If it sticks out no farther than the bill of your cap, you should be all right,” explained a man of legendarily Lilliputian gifts.

tyrannosaurs

t-rex

tyrannosaurs
had the big skulls
and they ate all that meat—
smart buggers they were
and grumpy
because their arms were
so pathetic, hardly better
than vestigial—
they screamed day and night in frustration
but it was all for nothing—
they left no permanent record
but their bones,
no Saurian Paradise Lost
to bequeath
to the monkey things
coming after,
those ugly, hairy jabberers
so much dumber than
the terrible lizard,
yet, blessed enough to reach for things
beyond their ability to control
or understand.

—Don Whittington

drones

Finally, the Super Bowl

Paul-Hornung

Finally, the Super Bowl
is here and I can let my hair down—
Finally, Super Bowl technology
has advanced far enough that
I am guaranteed to be happy—
Finally, Super Bowl Scientists have taken us to
breathtaking new levels
with an eight layer dip—
I can look forward to hours of
entertainment from people
I never heard of, along with hours
of commentary I don’t listen to
and the clever, creative commercials
for products I will never buy—
I can watch a stirring rendition
of our national anthem followed
by our nation’s cheerleaders guiding us through
a pert-breasted moment of sadness
for all the past year’s tragedies.
(There may be some tears at this part.)
Then there’s that drama! Hoo boy!
A battle of brother against brother—
Not since the Civil War
has so much been at stake—
Watch as football great
Paul Hornung coaches his Bay Area Gay-Bashers
against brother Pinky Hornung’s awesome
No-Snitch Juicers from the merry land.
Actually, the game itself…well…
Don’t get me wrong. I like football.
But it does get in the way
of the grand festivities.

—Don Whittington

Cartoon-Pinky__Brain_Thinking

Thanatosis

candle

There is death everywhere, and I hate it. I hate having it follow me and sleep with me and breathe in my mouth. Death is a real thing, tangible, that people catch and never get over. Grownups laugh and talk about how you’re going through a phase, and it’s all horseshit because you know, as you never knew before, that you—personally—are going to die. You know this because death came to you at night when you were unawares. You were dreaming, or you’d just jacked off, and as your fantasies faded across your brain-screen a voice whispered, asking “Where were you before your birth?” Just like that all thoughts of some model chewing at your crotch vanish in the face of this deep well of backward running eternity, an eternity exclusive of you. As you peer down towards a bottom that isn’t there the same voice whispers, “And when you’re gone, what then?” Sweat covers you and night winds whistle in your ears as you comprehend eternity for the first time, and that voice, that crazy voice whispers, “You will be dead and it will be permanent, and that will be that. Nothing anyone can do about it. Nothing, period. So long, Jack.”

Suddenly you know how adults get so twisted. They forget, you see, what it was like the very first time they found out. Oh, they carry it with them a little while, and it scares the shit out of them, that hollow tickle at the base of the spine that flares when they let their guards down and leaves them trembling and weak. Finally they go a little crazy in self defense, and they push it behind them, forgetting it, but still it creeps back from time to time, insistent, and each time they have to go a little crazier to hold it at bay until finally they are thoroughly mad and they can’t think clearly at all which is why things are the way they are.

I sit in my room and I stew over this and no one—I mean no one—takes it seriously. But I am scared to death—that word again—and all the half-assed Dr. Phil philosophy in America isn’t going to make things any better.

Do you read me?

Nothing helps.

So I talk to my best friend, James, and he gets really serious for a while, but then he backs off, you know, like death is contagious instead of systemic. Systemic: affecting the entire body. It’s a great word that I learned in biology, the study of life. James isn’t interested in big words. He looks for any excuse to get away, watches me nervously with his wide eyes, mumbles frantically with his weak lips, until finally he puts me aside like a broken toy and disappears into his own peculiar madness, content to be like our folks, quietly nuts so he can pursue a career in systems analysis or some equally bogus thing that doesn’t count for diddley-squat.

I talk to my girlfriend. Not the brightest thing I’ve ever done. What a waste of organic tissue that bitch is. I forgot that girls are only fond of you if everything’s all right. I’m not really a boyfriend so much as part of her outfit, able to hang around so long as I go with her shoes. You see, the girls all have a system and in school they have to take turns dating all the guys who don’t actually ooze or something, so when the shit hits the fan the girl bails out all offended that this horrible thing had to happen on her turn, right? And you stand there numb as your friends begin to tell you how all the time you’ve been going with her and being good to her that she’s been doing it with some clown you hate who’s no damned good to anybody, and she never did anything for you and it makes you feel sick inside a little bit.

So then you get really weird, you know? And school sucks and so you get gloomy books to read and you shut up to everybody because they don’t care and why the hell should you treat them to your misery, right? They start pointing in your direction across the schoolyard and you can hear them whispering in the halls and you don’t care because all the time your mind is sorting them out and nudging them with its finger saying “you’re dead and you’re dead and you’re dead and you’re dead…” and you take some comfort in being part of all their funerals.

Yesterday Mom comes to my room and tells me the counselor from school called and said something seems to be bothering me. And now Mom is hinting that she’s been going through my room looking for drugs but she didn’t find any and if I am in that kind of trouble I should tell her and she will try to help. So I can’t believe it, and I tell her that as far as I know the only dope in my life is the occasional adult I have to answer to and she gets almighty pissed off and talks to me about coming down off my high horse and I grin and say, uh oh, more of that drug talk, and she goes positively spare and makes all manner of meaningless threats as well as real ones which don’t mean diddley-squat to me either and I just wish all these assholes would go away. At the end of all this she starts crying and acts all injured and I don’t have patience to take care of her and me both so I split and she hollers after me about talking to my dad which is almost terrifying if I cared, you know. He’s no prize, just sits there and talks about how I’m jerking her chain. “He’s always jerking your chain, Marge, when are you going to learn?” Like I’m some kind of course she’s taking that he’s already passed.

So now I go down to the school where they picked me as lead in this play for the drama club. Some mystery thing I read for and was good at and I was very excited about it for a while but now I think it’s so much crap. Before I go I stop in the garage for some stuff I put together and keep in an oversized gym bag and I been carrying this stuff around for days but I don’t dare leave it because you never know, you know?

And I go to the school and everybody’s in the drama room where there’s this little stage and they’ve been rehearsing and I forgot all about it and I’m not even sure why I’m here. And the drama teacher says, glad you could make it, superstar, like really sarcastic, and he calls a break and I go sit on the edge of the stage near this girl I’ve just noticed and I wait for the teacher to start some shit but he’s already preoccupied and I set my gym bag on the floor and start talking to this girl I’ve never talked to before but I always wanted to, and there’s no shyness—and I ask her—and I should mention she’s beautiful and that my heart feels swollen inside like I’ve really found something and her eyes are so intense they’re like movie eyes—and I ask her what she thinks of this shit and she’s confused a minute and says what the play and I say no the other play the one we never tried out for, life, and I say it real serious, for effect, but it’s not playing, it’s not playing, and I know it because I can see her the way she’s looking at me that I’m losing it like she knows I’m not real anymore, not together, not a part of her reality and then I know it, too, and I start crying and I sob hard and it’s tough to breathe and cry at once and I feel like Jesus Christ and I can’t stop and I’m only fourteen year’s old, and I don’t even know what I’m saying and the girl, the girl looks frightened and repelled and I think in the middle of all my passion how much I’d like to fuck her and that makes me laugh and then the drama coach is running over and I reach into my gym bag before he can get to me and take out the sawed-off that’s loaded and has been waiting there so handy and patient and right there in front of all of them I shoot off my fucking head and make sure as the last thing that I turn so as to get some of my blood on the bastards.

—Don Whittington

In Kickstarter News

quaid

I think the best idea for a kickstarter
is one that funds a cathedral
designed and run by Randy Quaid and Nicholas Cage,
to be sited in British Columbia,
to be made of cedar and gold
with dragons at the doors.
The dragons are golden, too,
and have lasers in their eyes
to help ward off star whackers
like the one that killed Kwai Chang Caine.
Who wouldn’t offer five bucks for something like that?
On Sundays they would give simultaneous sermons
with Nicholas as Superman and Randy Quaid as Plastic Man.
Evi Hellena Motolanez Quaid would take the collection
and go through the money to sort out any
Georgia quarters, because they are peach-evil.
Each service would end with Cage cutting his arms
singing “This is my blood, but only for vampires,”
while Randy and Evi couple clumsily in the baptismal font.
Tom Cruise would join in a heartbeat.

—Don Whittington

cage