In Kickstarter News

quaid

I think the best idea for a kickstarter
is one that funds a cathedral
designed and run by Randy Quaid and Nicholas Cage,
to be sited in British Columbia,
to be made of cedar and gold
with dragons at the doors.
The dragons are golden, too,
and have lasers in their eyes
to help ward off star whackers
like the one that killed Kwai Chang Caine.
Who wouldn’t offer five bucks for something like that?
On Sundays they would give simultaneous sermons
with Nicholas as Superman and Randy Quaid as Plastic Man.
Evi Hellena Motolanez Quaid would take the collection
and go through the money to sort out any
Georgia quarters, because they are peach-evil.
Each service would end with Cage cutting his arms
singing “This is my blood, but only for vampires,”
while Randy and Evi couple clumsily in the baptismal font.
Tom Cruise would join in a heartbeat.

—Don Whittington

cage