Finally, the Super Bowl


Finally, the Super Bowl
is here and I can let my hair down—
Finally, Super Bowl technology
has advanced far enough that
I am guaranteed to be happy—
Finally, Super Bowl Scientists have taken us to
breathtaking new levels
with an eight layer dip—
I can look forward to hours of
entertainment from people
I never heard of, along with hours
of commentary I don’t listen to
and the clever, creative commercials
for products I will never buy—
I can watch a stirring rendition
of our national anthem followed
by our nation’s cheerleaders guiding us through
a pert-breasted moment of sadness
for all the past year’s tragedies.
(There may be some tears at this part.)
Then there’s that drama! Hoo boy!
A battle of brother against brother—
Not since the Civil War
has so much been at stake—
Watch as football great
Paul Hornung coaches his Bay Area Gay-Bashers
against brother Pinky Hornung’s awesome
No-Snitch Juicers from the merry land.
Actually, the game itself…well…
Don’t get me wrong. I like football.
But it does get in the way
of the grand festivities.

—Don Whittington